Snowed In: Balancing Creativity and Motherhood in the Quiet Moments

When filmmaking meets parenting, patience and presence shape both art and life.

Photo Caption: A squirrel’s frozen tracks in my neighborhood - seen on my icy, evening walk.

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We have been snowed-in for the past two days. Ever since I moved to Knoxville in 2020, I have been waiting for snow. We finally got it…and lots of it. Snowed-in means Curren and I have been without childcare support. On non-snowy days, we are lucky to have an incredible person come to our house 4 days a week to help us with the boys so we can do our work.

Creative work requires attention that is always in direct conflict with children. For me, it requires solitude, silence, reading, writing, staring into the nothingness, and deep rabbit holes. This is basically the opposite of what my toddler does and needs. My work requires long hours of concentration. As a filmmaker that is in the field on-location filming; and as a writer or editor, that is sitting down uninterrupted at the desk. Even with childcare support, I am needed by my children. “Momma come here” rings throughout my house and that is okay. As a parent, it’s what I signed up for.

But sometimes when I am rocking the baby in the dark, I try to use that time for literally anything other than what I am doing. Try to plan that grant proposal I need to write, or storyboard that scene in my head, or attempt to meditate. This is a product of not being able to turn my brain off. When I am making a film, I appreciate this intensity, but in all other aspects of my life it creates distance between me and others. I might be right in front of you, but my mind is so very far away. And in the rocking chair, in those moments meant for bonding with this small being, I take my brain and my heart someplace else. I’m only human.

I remember sending a newsletter when my first kid was only six weeks old (at the writing of this, he is now 2.5 years old and my second kid is now 3 months old). When I wrote that newsletter I felt like I had disappeared and fallen off the face of the Earth. But the truth is, no one even noticed I had gone dark and had a baby. It’s a humbling adventure - raising kids. If you suffer from the ill of believing you are the center of the universe, it will rectify things quite quickly. This also applies to all forms of caregiving - not just children.

When I sent that newsletter I got many “congratulations” messages back. One, from artist and mother Betty Rivard, has always stuck with me.

Be patient with yourself.  Six weeks in is not very long. You deserve maternity leave just like anyone else. Relish these days. They go by quickly, as you know. Be sure to take care of yourself in the process. I know it's an ongoing adjustment, but also all great. There is no way to prepare for these changes in your life from here on out. You will all figure out what works best for the three of you and your work. The creative process applies here as with everything else.

Betty Rivard

Betty is right. Raising a kid is very much part of the creative process. Today, you do this, you try this, but nothing ever stays the same day-to-day.

The same piece of work (child) you encounter today, will be different tomorrow. The next day it (he) will have new layers of complexity. You will notice things that you completely overlooked. You will appreciate it (him) more. And after sleep, you will have more stamina to peel back those new layers.

The actions of today, repeated tomorrow, wont get you the same results. You have to reassess your actions, your next moves, daily. What the project (the child) needs from you today, will be different tomorrow. Being in-tune with the needs is what is important.

You have to humble yourself. You have to look to mentors for guidance. You have to be willing to admit you don’t know everything and learn new approaches. You have to respect your collaborators and acknowledge that their way of doing things might be different than you. Even so, you have to be resilient even in the face of doubt - I have no clue what I am doing as a mother, just as much as an artist staring down a new idea.

You have to love and nurture the idea (them). You have to cultivate curiosity. You have to develop the most intense amount of patience. You have to know when to walk away, when your emotions are stunting you from being the best artist (mother) you can be.

You have to be playful. The guardrails (rules) you erect for your work (your kids) are not prohibitive or rigid, but are guides that allow you (them) to explore the unknown.

As creators we often picture the ideal - making our art in a magical studio in the forest (or whatever it is for you). In short, we imagine the “highs” but when the “lows” and monotony of just putting in the hours or hard work gets in the way, we can burn out. Much the same as parenting - it’s not all fun, but it is necessary. Once again…patience and resilience are demanded in both art and caregiving.

All of this feels true to me, my work, my approach to parenting. Now if I could only live this :)